When you do not have much experience of life, when emotions are involved and when relationships are sensitive, things can become very confusing. Any objective and dispassionate view can be of help. Any adult might provide such an outside view. A parent is more accessible-if that parent is willing to help. As before, the temptation to preach and to impose a point of view must be resisted. The request is specifically a request for help 'in understanding'. This is different from help in making a decision or solving a problem. The more the adult is willing to provide exactly the help that is needed the more that request will be used in the future. If the adult uses the opportunity for the usual preaching then the code loses its specific value. It is no sin to understand something. It should be natural to ask for help in understanding.