If both partners feel this way then the code is merely a summary of what each knows but may not yet have expressed. If only one of the partners feels this way then the code may come as a complete surprise to the other. There is therefore a value in being able to articulate these feelings in a concise way. The emphasis is on 'compatibility and 'fundamentals'. The mood and the intentions may still be good and strong but if the basics are not compatible then more effort is unlikely to put things right. There is no blame attached to either party. That is the way things are. The code is an acknowledgement of a situation. The code is definitely not a plea to try harder and to put faults right. There is no sense of grievance - just a sense of sadness that things cannot work out. It may be that one temperament is stifling the other. It may be that the values are totally different. It may be that the sensitivities are different. It may simply be that one partner wants children and the other one does not. 'Code 14/1. Is this what we both think?' 'I feel we have reached code 14/1. What do you feel?' 'Are there problems we can overcome or is it code 14/1?' Code 14/1 is usually an acknowledgement of what both parties have been feeling for some time.